When I finally realized that caring about somebody just got highly beyond anything else, admitting my failure or not is really none of my business anymore, I think. Grandpa used to told me often that 「Don't care then you won't be hurt」, just from this year, I truly started to understand the most inner meaning within from heart.
I guess I am just not that rational like I thought I was, feeling guilty, feeling nervous, feeling attentive, feeling myself out of control... However, all those could not compare with that kind of feeling came up when I ultimately opened it instead of deleting. It hurt, badly, far more than I could imagine.
Even it's complicated it's still your own life. That's why I keep my smile from heart until I just could not hold it even for another one second.
Even emotions' hardly leaving, you could hide instead. That's why I cry deeply at the bottom of the swimming pool, tears couldn't be stopped, but it couldn't be told, either way.
Everything will pass away, I truly believe.
It's just a matter of time, so does love.
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