幸好 它還在

當連續七日Working days堅持到最後瀕臨崩潰邊緣的時候
我忽然想起了上個月意外遇見的那一條 紅紋石



今年難得讓我感覺到心動的兩件事
其一我無法控制 其二就是 它 The most magical connection ever
雖然同樣有很多方面的考量 但若是同樣不去爭取
那或許我就真的可以自稱心靜如水 可以考慮一下Jean神父的建議了

幸好 幸好 幸好 它還在

「帶你去日本好嗎」 我對它說

它笑了

Let it be

If my life's just fixed to be that out of control
not only in the past 9 months, the remaining 3 months
but also in the following 2009

It won't be helping any bit
even if I stay this oversensitive, defensive, upset or frustrated

God's been making my life as perfect as possible
maybe these upcoming accidents are just happening to remind me
with unexpected things and people coming up instantly
how much I should cherish what belongs to me right now
at the same time, how important they are

Therefore, from this moment on
nothing to be got rid of
nothing to be complaint of
nothing to be questioned

Just
Let it be
and Enjoy ^^

Swimming Pool

When I finally realized that caring about somebody just got highly beyond anything else, admitting my failure or not is really none of my business anymore, I think. Grandpa used to told me often that 「Don't care then you won't be hurt」, just from this year, I truly started to understand the most inner meaning within from heart.

I guess I am just not that rational like I thought I was, feeling guilty, feeling nervous, feeling attentive, feeling myself out of control... However, all those could not compare with that kind of feeling came up when I ultimately opened it instead of deleting. It hurt, badly, far more than I could imagine.

Even it's complicated it's still your own life. That's why I keep my smile from heart until I just could not hold it even for another one second.

Even emotions' hardly leaving, you could hide instead. That's why I cry deeply at the bottom of the swimming pool, tears couldn't be stopped, but it couldn't be told, either way.

Everything will pass away, I truly believe.
It's just a matter of time, so does love.

告白

曾經以為這個行為絕對不會出現在我的生活中
可原來 生活這個東西果然還是不能用絕對來定義的
就像我曾經也以為自己絕對真誠絕對坦白
不會有什麼話語是怎樣都無法說出口一樣

In the end
今天 短短五個字的那一句話
我竟然走了整整二十七分鈡 那麼久

整個過程也是翻來覆去 顛顛倒倒
緊張得胃痙攣 連累你也差點神經錯亂
明明同一番說話昨晚跟爸說得很有sense很有point...殘念
種種心情 簡直可以媲美當年大學入學Interview

告白告到對方忍不住問要不要幫忙
我的精彩人生果然又添一件如此經典事件 T_T

畢竟是一場不需要feedback且重點不在告白的告白
說我膽怯也好無聊也好自私也好什麼都好 我就是選擇逃避
(其實整個過程就是一個自私到底的典範 我承認...)

或許潛意識中總固執的覺得 說出來其實沒什麼
但一旦有了feedback 就無論如何 都回不去從前了 吧
這也是之前在很内疚很Down很陌生的感覺侵襲和很難做到自己本引以為傲的情緒控制的時候
都一直堅持 不說 的原因 吧

畢竟 You are one of those friends, I cherish a lot

其實你提到的 所謂原因
其實也並不是 沒有原因
太多的巧合 和你無意中猜中 這輩子都還沒試過有人猜中的答案
有的時候 最難控制的 原本就是自己的心

況且 你本來就是一個很好很好的好人
只有我這麼奇怪的人才會想到「放大缺點 忽略優點」這麼奇怪的Idea
然後這麼奇怪的Judge你 (明明上帝就教過我「Do not Judge」的耶~)

所以就連我如此自私且無聊的行為與要求 你也照單全收

Really, Thank you, and, Sorry, again.

All words above
Just to memorize today
This me, this courage, and this you.

Those I overcomed
Those I would overcome

and my first time UNBOSOM ^_^

P.S.:
Suddenly I remember the saying Chris left me
「I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you」
So
What about this situation

Contradiction

淩晨四點吹著頭發就失去知覺了 幸好K竟然在
三小時後跟躺在游泳池中藍藍的水上跟溫暖的陽光Say hi

貝利的鋼琴真的彈得越來越好了 看到我時眼尾和嘴角同時上揚 小孩子特有的真誠讓我忽然好想哭
好久好久好久好久真的好久沒見的Uni伉儷現身派炸彈 幸福的氛圍似乎真的可以感染身邊所有的人
曾經答應過無數次他們煮咖啡的承諾 終于實現了 還附加本人最擅長的Lasagna
竟然還得到賢妻良母的稱讚 真是人生第一次 :P

難得這樣悠閒的星期六讓我感覺很幸福

差一點點就可以忘卻這一個星期以來發生的所有其他感覺

坦白 而後後悔
不見 而後想念

Just want
Stay real
Stay in dream

I am still trying

Think in a better way

坐在回程的飛機上照舊還是睡了個天昏地暗
半夢半醒 忽然就 想起了這句話
Think in a better way

四天前的我一直以為這個周末我會在日本
兩天前的我開始以為會跟好久不見的June窩在家裏看DVD
直到假期來臨的最後一刻 才終于發現 自己
原來 沒有目的地 沒有partner 什麼都沒有

於是 枉顧了淩晨四點多衝進家門的K的誠意
我終于決定一個人出發 工作狂的假期本應是拿來睡覺的
而我的 我想陪伴 The one I love the most in the entire Universe

在院子裏環抱著九嵗生日我們一起种的Suger Maple Tree
像小的時候我總喜歡抱著你的腰腦袋蹭啊蹭 喜歡你摸我的頭寵溺的笑容

摘幾片葉子夾在你愛的Jane Eyre中 一個人開始走那總是你帶著我走的那條路
一路上充滿著你的回憶讓我感覺不到孤單 仿佛你還在 一直陪我走 我的路

1924-2008

一整個下午坐在你的身邊update給你聽你走以後我最近的生活
雖然維持你從小教我的要很快樂很善良很寬容很堅持很相信
但卻開始迷失自我 開始學會找藉口 自怨自艾 埋怨 甚至偶爾發小脾氣
同時也終于走出你最不放心我一直停留的那個怪圈 終于重新學會去喜歡 和愛

天色很灰很冷還飄些小雨
我縮在今年生日你送我的毛衣裏面 靠著冰涼的理石
感覺卻很安心 很溫暖 很有安全感 All around is love 還有你

我想 這就是今年的我一直忽略了的存在吧
我想 很適合 在此刻 變成一個更好的我

Just think in a better way,
Let's pray for a better me, my dearest grandapa

Confession to God

I knew and I know that I did them wrong,

When I kept quiet and I kept this special for him, as after so many time "If...I will give up" all kinds of hypothesises, I am still trying but still failing;

When I turned my back to them, left without saying anything, and mercilessly without her, as facing those people who disappointed me too many times and who really don't fit my life became a very difficult thing for me, I don't want to waste any of my sincere friendship anymore;

When I cut off when he called, as I've decided to refuse getting back to the past, also the mood;

THEREFORE
who don't love any one other,
who always find herself excuses for some issues she could not overcome,
who's losing her confidence day by day.

I hate myself, though I am recovering.

P.S.: Don't worry, only less than 4 month to go.

Sea of Lavender

Je pense a la France, aussi a toi.
Tu me manques, bien.

Limited Happiness

Pix by Rosie

忽遠忽近 若即若離 特別又平凡
快樂 就像某天在KL遇見的藍色天空一樣
很有限

I guess, I really love you ^^